Crazy Woman Takes Three Children on Family Midwest Road Trip

I embarked on a Family summer Midwest Road Trip June 2011 with my seven year old twins and nine year old daughter. I recommend you have more than one driver if you are going to more than five states on a trip. We also took this trip old school, which is to say that the only electronics we had were iPods. Miraculously, I managed not to accidentally abandon anyone. These are their stories.

Text Log

Md good time. Traversed entire state of Iowa n 1 day so feel accomplished. Passed place called “Firearms & Taxidermy”. Sounds handy. Albert Lea, Minnesota 4 nite. 1 stop for gas n bathrooms. Didnt lose anyone (despite fleeting thought that it might be easier with fewer). Girls started complaining b4 St.Louis city limits but I only let 1 goddammit slip 4 the day. Kids hate my Amy Sedaris book on tape. Only awkward moment was when Amy referenced “putting something small in ur anus 4 lovemaking”. No follow-up questions on that from The Innocents so perhaps not scarred for life. Kids finally asleep n cheap hotel n I’m drinking scotch from a urine sample sized styrofoam courtesy cup. All good.