Stop humble-bragging on facebook

There is a fine line between genuine self-deprication and feigned humility. If you really hated how you looked in a bikini, you wouldn’t post five selfies on Facebook wearing a swimsuit. I’m sure it really is stressful trying to figure out how to work all the gadgets in your new Lexus, but stuff it. It IS awful not knowing how to respond when people you haven’t seen in a while constantly comment about how great you look. We are all insecure about something: our gut, office politics, how well-behaved our kids are as a direct reflection of parental self-worth, how many people we’ve slept with. Let’s be clear: boasting is annoying. It’s annoying even if you can’t help yourself because it’s your self-defense mechanism. Humble-bragging on Facebook is not cool. You know the type. You could get totally wasted playing “Hi, Bob” for every time your co-worker mentions that she lived abroad for three years. I get it! Uncle! You lived a glamorous life! 

If you are still injecting feats of glory from decades past into your everyday life and posts, I propose that you need to update your feats and talk about something in the present. It’s interesting that you turned down a scholarship thirty years ago (albeit increasingly less interesting when you mention it weekly) but what have you done this year that made you proud of yourself? If the answer is “nothing”, maybe you should update that shit. I can say that because I’m so accomplished in my glass house over here! (See? Was that acceptable self-effacing or annoying?) I’m confident we all violate “the rules” sometimes, but the point is not to get the reputation for post the same diatribe every time you’re on Facebook.

I suppose it’s like most things in life: “There are those people who can eat one piece of chocolate, one piece of cake, drink one glass of wine. There are even people who smoke one or two cigarettes a week. And then there are people for whom one of anything is not even an option.” ― Abigail Thomas, Thinking About Memoir

If you’re going to commit humble-braging on Facebook, shout it from the Facebook rooftops. “I totally kicked ass on this thing that I did!” We can handle that and maybe give you the pat on the back you need, but don’t mask it by pretending not to. Own it.