Well, it’s Day 42 into the New Year. I haven’t smoked a single cigarette or even had a single craving, since I’m not a smoker. I am totally digging this Quit Smoking resolution I made on New Year’s Eve. I feel so accomplished. For once, I’ve discovered a Resolution that is attainable. I want to be an inspiration to all of you who want to change something in your lives. I am living proof that you, too, can tackle bad habits you haven’t picked up. I know we are well into starting the year, but you can make resolutions any time.
- Vow now to spend increasingly less time with your kids. Photos can totally take the place of your time together.
- Make that wish to gain ten pounds a reality. Buffet, anyone? Make friends with carbs and sweets.
- Decide now not to donate a dollar to any worthy charity. Fuckers.
- Spend more time at work and see less of your family. You will get along so much better with your spouse not spending all that “together” time.
- Embrace Ayn Rand and don’t help anyone but yourself this year.
- Don’t organize jack shit. Organizing is a total time-suck. You could be spending that valuable time on video games.
- Refuse to learn anything new. The old stuff is always better anyway, like feminine hygiene products on the prairie.
- For once, make your increasing debt a good thing. Spend all your savings in Vegas. I promise you will feel so much better without that burden in your bank account. You will be doing your part to stimulate the economy.
- Don’t curtail your drinking. Stop feeling guilty about your black-outs. That’s what you-tube is for- to capture those special moments you always forget.
- Spend more, not less, time in front of the television/computer/video. Nature is over-rated, and requires bug-spray.