As a follow-up to my last post about whether you can feel like a store, more
stores from malls:
J.Crew = Uncomfortable and confused. I keep browsing in this store
periodically, but never, not once, found anything that looked good on me or
that I wanted to buy. For when you keep trying to fit in, but it just doesn’t
Ann Taylor = Conservative, and unhappy about it. When did Ann Taylor become
Talbots? Is it me or is it them? Do I dress like a liberal hippy now? Can you
really still take me anywhere?
The Gap = Mediocre, but okay. I am just like everyone else. There is nothing
remotely special about me. Nothing looks bad, but nothing looks great.
Kay Jewelers = Annoyed and hostile. Everything I run into annoys me and is cheesy.
I want to punch everyone who talks to me in the throat. No! I do not want
to look at a circling heart pendant.
The Coach Store = Longing, but happy. When I want to
feel like I felt when I had disposable income. Wait! Wait! I want to keep this
feeling a little longer. Then I realize I don’t need a $550 purse. But, shit,
that stuff smells good. I could rock the shit out of that handbag…
Lucky Brand = Confident. When I want to feel cool but realize I’m 46, not 26.
Then I say, “fuck it”. You are as old as you feel, so give me those
awesome $75 t-shirts I totally deserve to wear.
Mall Kiosk = Paranoid. Nothing is permanent. Everything in
my life is a sham. Everyone hates me. Still.
Dillard’s = Depressed and dilapidated. Why haven’t I died yet? Have you
been in Dillard’s lately? At least the Dillard’s near us is like stepping into
JCPenny, which should also have died. It feels like a store you’d find in
Ukraine. No one is happy there.
Fifth Avenue
= Nervous. There aren’t enough shoppers in Sak’s to act
as buffers for the very bored and needy sales people. No, I don’t need to see
this $450 shoe in my size. I just picked it up because you are making me a
nervous wreck.
Victoria’s Secret = Mostly annoyed, but should be happy because how
awesome would it be to have (but not have to try on, or purchase) all new
undies, bras and loungewear? Think of sleeping in something beautiful that the
elastic isn’t peeking out of and isn’t a ratty t-shirt.

The Mall store I feel like today is Dillard’s