What super store are you today?

Babies”R”Us: Hormonal and twitchy. Even though
I haven’t shopped there for years, I still get irregular heart beats when I
have to go there to pick up a shower gift or some such. Can’t believe how much
money I’ve spent on diapers from this place, and how much gear I bought that I didn’t actually need. The more children I had, the less gear I used.
Toys-R-Us: Overwhelmed and a little frightened. There are too many toys, and they are EVERYWHERE you look. I keep thinking the Bride of Chucky is going to leap off the shelves and attack me. And that somehow I deserve it.
Lowe’s Home Improvement: Chill. I’m usually at Lowe’s in furtherance of some house repair, so it feels good to advance my home agenda. The employees never wince no matter how stupid your question. “Can I use a broom to clean off my hot grill grate?”

Wal-mart: Run-down, carb-loaded, cheap and uneducated. No one ever knows the answer to my questions or offers much to help. Can’t beat the prices on everyday items, though, making it a necessary evil. When you need a car battery, knitting needles, Bush beans, spray paint, a fish, lawn ornaments, pepto-bismal, 409 cleaner, and a gun, and only have one check. Depressed. Where I go when listening to Morissey isn’t getting me suicidal enough.

Target: Happy. I could shop in Target for hours, and I don’t particularly like shopping. Why do I get excited when they have new colors for foaming soap? Wow! Those look fresh and new! The only exception to feeling happy is the week before school starts in August. That makes me feel homicidal.Office Depot: Excited. I love me some office supplies. Working at home, I can’t liberate post-it notes and my favorite pens from the company supply closet. It’s one of the great losses for the ranks of the unemployed. It’s right up there with COBRA coverage.
Sam’s Club: Hoard-y and confident. You buy too much crap you think you need, and you don’t end up using all of it for a year. Except booze. You’re going to need that next week again. And then you feel sad because you spent $235 and the checker at the exit makes you feel like you’re stealing something. Are they really doing anything in their brain when they highlight my stupid receipt? I don’t think they can count all my shit in three seconds. I’m calling bullshit!