Why do friends say things like, “Poor, sweetheart!” when I tell them one of my children isn’t feeling well? Sick kids deserve no sympathy, or at least not all of it! Don’t people recognize how awesome it is to be a kid sick with the flu? It’s not entirely a picnic, it does involve a fever and chills, but think of the perks:
20 Reasons Sick Kids Deserve No Sympathy
1. Prescription medicine magically appears from the pharmacy crowded with all the sick people you got to avoid.
2. If you throw up in your bed, someone else figures out how to march you to the tub with the least amount of vomit trailing you to the restroom.
3. Someone else wipes up the trail of puke while you are soaking in the tub.
4. You don’t know enough to talk yourself into thinking you have a really serious ailment and are likely to die soon.
5. Someone else puts clean sheets back on your bed, and if you’re really lucky, the sheets are still warm from the dryer.
6. You might get a coloring book, a stuffed animal or brownies from your relative or neighbor. No one is giving my sick ass a teddy bear when I’m sick.
7. Your mom &/or dad actually care about you, as opposed to when you’re middle-aged. Just go to work, asshole.
8. Cartoons. All day.
9. Your mom or dad is there to hold the trashcan for you when you’ve got stuff coming out both ends.
10. Someone else calls your employer to tell them you are ill and won’t make it into the office that day.
11. You don’t have to pull a Ferris Bueller and fake a sore throat or leave the message at 4:30 a.m. to add plausibility to your story that you’ve been throwing up all night.
12. Someone else has to figure out how to give you a suppository when you can’t keep food down.
13. The world actually does revolve around you until you feel better.
14. Being sick doesn’t increase your stress: No one expects you to pay bills, return phone calls or cry because you are already so behind at work.
15. People carry you places, literally.
16. Other people in your house actually become your servants: they help you into your pajamas, rub lotion on you, feed you and comb your hair.
17. Food materializes before your very eyes.
18. Laundry washes itself.
19. Dirty dishes magically become clean.
20. Your job that day is to be sick. That’s it. You have no other responsibilities or worries.