I Introduce You To The Vagina Drawer

I’m a self-realized chaos over-compensator. You won’t find that in the recently released DSM5. I made-up that diagnosis, but it sounds legit, right? Part perfectionism, part neat-freak, part genetic, part learned defense mechanism. The more chaos in my life, the cleaner my desk. I have this feeling that if I could just put everything in the place it belongs, the world would finally make sense. One chaos-inducing life event is moving, which I have very recently done. In reaction, I’ve been an organizing super-nova. Embracing that spirit, I decided to label the ridiculous amount of toiletry items I’ve already confessed to hoarding.

Sure, if I were so inclined, I could label them in an ordinary fashion. The soap could go in a plastic bin called “soap”, or some such. I could put the shampoo bottles in a box called “shampoo”, or I could go the hipster route and label the shampoos “lather”. I could stick toothpaste in an organizer aptly named “toothpaste”. Instead, I decided to group items according to the body part the toiletries service. I like labels that make you have to THINK. “What the hell would Jennifer put in a bin called “Head”?


“Sinus” just hits the nail on the head, don’t you agree? Sinus rinse-check. Ocean saline spray-check. “Prescription Head” covers eye drops as well as sinus sprays.


Yes, I have enough stuff related to “Lips” to merit its own organizer bin. Same goes with “Face”, but it’s mostly moisturizer.


You already know about all my lotion fetish. Apparently, you can have enough. Ten bottles (of the same thing) is enough.


When in doubt, the catchall “Head” is a certain crowd-pleaser. Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s for over-the-counter meds related to making your head not hurt.


Though technically not a body part, “Wounds” are a distinct sub-category of “Skin” that merited its own drawer. There are a lot of wounds when you have a family of five, but I’m way more accident-prone than all the rest combined.


Lots of action for Teeth. No body part has nearly as much attention as Teeth: Toothpaste, floss, toothbrushes, toothbrush holders. I’m crazy with stuff related to Teeth.


Feet require deodorizers and pumice stones. Legs require shavers and shaving accoutrements.


Nails need their own organizing bin for grooming items, blue nail polish, and remover.

And that, my friends, is how I came to own a “Vagina” drawer.