Here are the lamest reasons for leaving your job

10.  Wanted to stay home so I could wash my tea cup daily in the dishwasher instead of accumulating those yucky stains that hand-washing at the office sink doesn’t touch.

9.  Finally succumbed to guilt from stealing post-it notes and random pens 
from the office for use at home.

8.  Exhausted permutations of favorite password and lacked inspiration 
to think of new ones I could actually remember.

7.  Heard the economy is really picking up and felt like rolling the
 dice. I mean, how bad could it be?

6.  Anxious to experience first-hand entitlements from the government but didn’t realize the government isn’t working this year. (Fuckers.)

5.  Misunderstood what “stacation” meant and demanded a permanent one, 
effective immediately.

4.  As a stress starver, just couldn’t lose those last five pounds any 
other way.

3.  Stress level not high enough for my comfort zone so decided to mix 
it up a little.

2.  Come on, it’s not like I have a mortgage or expenses or people who 
depend on me for support.

1.  Stayed up too late and watched Jerry Maguire two times in a row
 while intoxicated and was inspired to write a career-ending Mission