Just in time for 2018: Blame Someone Else Day tomorrow!

The 1st Friday the 13th of each year is Blame Someone Else Day, which is to say, one of my favorite holidays. Perhaps it is actually simply a day where I’m permitted to do that which I do every other day anyway: point fingers at everyone else but myself. Jump on in! It’s warm in the pool of Denial! It’s like claiming Halloween my number one day of the year when I dress in costume daily. I don’t have only myself to blame! I have other people for that!

It’s hard to believe but there are only FIVE Friday the 13th’s during the current presidential term.

Blame someone else for Central Park rape: 5 black teens

Central Park 5 teenagers on trial

The list is endless for what you can blame someone else for, ESPECIALLY if you have no regard for facts.

  • because I forgot that the intersection I just blew through on a yellow light has photo enforcement
  • that I backed my car into a very, very large highly-visible tree
  • my children fight with each other when we eat out at restaurants and don’t know how to behave in public
  • that those jeans don’t fit me anymore because I’ve grown a lady gunt
  • I stole my children’s candy from their Easter baskets
Trump accused Central park 5 Salaam

Trump advertised for the death penalty for wrongfully accused Central Park 5

 

  • that I hurt your feelings when I was insensitive and ridiculous
  • for that stupid tweet that got taken all out of context because people read it wrong
  • for procrastinating all that stuff I hate doing
  • that I hate doing all that stuff I procrastinate
  • because I have thin, lifeless hair
  • when I overcommit and underperform
  • that I was late for breakfast and missed all the crunchy bacon
  • because I chose not to exercise again
  • that I didn’t go to church, or that I did go to church
  • for not being available at the drop of a hat
  • that I overslept and missed my dental appointment

What’s the point of living if you can’t blame someone else for your foolish choices and thoughtless gaffs?

Anderson Cooper interviewing Central Park 5

Anderson Cooper talking Trump with exonerated Central Park 5

  • that I routinely bite off more than I can chew
  • the bad fashion choices I make
  • because I over-imbibed the last time I over-imbibed
  • that my cat scratched the bejesus out of my arm when I wagged my menacing arm all up in her face
  • when I make bad judgments
  • when I act inappropriately (I blame someone else for this constantly)
  • that I am no doubt going to burn in hell for all manner of things
  • when I check social media and immediately wish I hadn’t checked social media
  • when my kids don’t make goals, or baskets, or laps or whatever you call it in sports
  • for my unreasonable expectations
  • when someone I don’t know doesn’t understand my humor or think I’m funny when I’m clearly funny as fuck
  • when I accidentally make a FaceTime ass call before properly dressed
  • the absurd ass clown in the Oval office

You are so inconsiderate! You have only yourself to blame! Alternatively, blame someone else. Everybody’s doing it.