In honor of Best Friends Day, I share some moments I experienced on the receiving end from my best friends. Do you recognize yourself in any of these moments?

best friends Best friends:

  • Tell you when asked that, in fact, you do look fat in those jeans and not to wear them ever again.
  • Call you first when they think their house has burned down or they got engaged.
  • Love your children as their own children.
  • Stay with you all night in the emergency room to get your hand stitched up because you’re obsessed with cleaning dishes at other people’s parties.
  • Have watched Grease with you four thousand times.
  • Get drunk with you when you totally need to get drunk.
  • Fulfill a pact to learn how to drink scotch and water without gagging because you needed an “adult” like adult beverage and Zima didn’t count.
  • Go with you to a notoriously boring event so you won’t have to be bored alone.

bff's

  • Sends you flowers for off-holiday occasions (like the week of Thanksgiving because they know you have guests coming).
  • Talk on the phone for several hours in the middle of the night because you needed to.
  • Sleep on a motel floor with you because three friends are already sleeping on the full sized bed.

best friends

  • Come over in the middle of the night and give you a shot in your ass that you can’t reach by yourself.
  • Drop everything and meet you in the park because you are about to lose your mind.
  • Own a sailboat with you and have it work out flawlessly.
  • Drop everything and bring you extra infant car seats after yours were just stolen in the car that was just stolen.
  • Go with you to a Tom Jones concert (because it was awesome).
  • Go with you to a Wayne Newton concert (because it was totally creepy).
  • Help you plan a wedding.

bff's

  • Help you plan a funeral.
  • Stand in as your date to a fancy party because your boyfriend was taking his girlfriend who wasn’t you.
  • Watch your three kids for an entire weekend so you can have adult time.
  • Take your breakup with your significant other as hard as you do.
  • Pretend you are spending the night so you can be dropped off at her house after a spectacularly bad date so you can avoid kissing the date good night.
  • Spend a major holiday with you instead of their family because you are family.

best friends

  • Suddenly offload a very complicated family series of obligations to drive 12 hours roundtrip to spend the night with you because you were a mess.
  • Always welcome you to their house even if they aren’t there.
  • Let you be a blubbering idiot and not hold it against you.
  • Make you a mixtape because they know you love mix tapes even though that’s not something they routinely do.
  • Let you stay in their home when they knew you wouldn’t have been able to make the trip otherwise.

best friends

  • Handle your kids for two days without prior notice.
  • Know exactly what it’s like to always be the new kid in school because they were too.
  • Pick you up from the dorms because you were so sick you couldn’t climb down ten flights of stairs one more time because some yokel kept setting off the fire alarm to hilariously evacuate the building four times in an hour.

best friends

  • Have outlived multiple marriages, yours and theirs. (though, who’s counting?)
  • Got fired the same day you did and celebrated spectacularly with you.
  • Share and commiserate over bad husband stories with you.
  • Let you vent endlessly because someone hurt your feelings.

best friends

  • Know exactly why you don’t want to go to the reunion, but convince you to go anyway.
  • Come see you at an inconvenient location at an inconvenient time when they don’t feel well because they think you’re important.
  • Get the precise amount of indignant when you explain an injustice you’ve suffered.
  • Meet you at a funeral of someone they don’t know because that’s the only time they will get to see you.

“Dances With Wolves! Dances With Wolves! I am Wind In His Hair. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see I will always be your friend?”