Don’t Leave a Loaded Gun in the Restroom, kids

A friend of mine asked me to blog about an article that appeared in the St. Louis Dispatch today. Since she’s getting her tubes tied tomorrow, I feel obliged to humor her. Literally. She threatened to have her fallopians rainbow-loomed, which is totally awesome. I think every surgery should come with a tangible keepsake. Like getting a prize with your Happy Meal, only you have to be anesthetized and cut open. Oh, and spend tens of thousands of dollars.

Back to the article about leaving a loaded gun in the restroom

Apparently, Missouri Speaker of the House Tim Jones’ (R) legislative assistant, David “Dave” Evans, left a fully-loaded pistol on the toilet paper dispenser in a public bathroom at the state Capitol. Me? I usually just take my iphone to the Ladies’ Room, which invariably ends up in the toilet occasionally. I think we can safely infer that the Assistant was going number 2. I don’t think I’m alone when I say I am very relieved (pun intended) to know that Missouri congressional staffers are wiping after going number 2 in the bathroom. Otherwise, this incident could be an embarrassing stain on the reputation of the state unlike when The Show-Me State failed to pass a law nullifying Federal Gun Laws. Authorities are still investigating whether the Staffer washed his hands after the unfortunate incident. Motives regarding Mr. Evans’ carelessness are unclear, but it is speculated that he may have been pre-occupied with Congress enacting pro-life legislation requiring women to give birth before being allowed to seek an abortion. Prior to issuing an Amber Alert to locate the missing gun, the Legislative Assistant had the girl in the office call to report the weapon misplaced along with another staffer’s favorite pen that had also gone missing. I, for one, try not to ever enter a public restroom without a loaded firearm in case “something comes up” that “I need to address”.

Missouri passed a law in 2011 allowing state legislators and their staffers to go the Capitol restroom with a weapon so long as they have a conceal and carry permit. Not surprisingly, the police were anxious to reunite the lethal weapon to its rightful owner as soon as possible, in case the owner needed to shoot anyone later that day. Rather than inconvenience the man to produce paperwork proving ownership of the firearm, the police took the word of the guy who just left a loaded weapon in a public place that it was his gun. I mean, who would lie about something like that? I’m confident that if the Assistant was a young minority instead of an elderly white man that the police would have taken his word that the gun was his too.