Melted Snowman Found Dead
BREAKING NEWS: (St. Louis, MO) Snow Boy, Snow Girl Couple Declared Dead
On a day when Christians remembered the resurrection of Jesus from his cave thingy, the fate of one local St. Louis snow couple was sealed forever when temperatures reached upwards of sixty degrees fahrenheit for several hours. “The sun just shone too brightly for them. They couldn’t handle the heat. It’s sad, but that’s the nature of snowmen. They know the risks going into the deal.” Miss America Snow Girl held on the longest, hell-bent not to relinquish her crown and title until the last possible minute. “Yeah, part of her snow belly is still in tact, but it’s clear she’s brain dead and not coming back to us,” local know-it-all in the neighborhood said. Pirate Cop Snow Boy died beside his melting friend. “They will be sorely missed,” as he picked up Snow Boy’s red scarf. “I’ve always wanted a red scarf. It’s not like he’s going to need it after all.” Friends and family mourned their passing.
“Well, at least they didn’t pass on to the other side alone. They died together. Rest in peace Miss America Snow Girl and Pirate Cop Snow Boy!”