Preparing for an Interview: Interview With a Vampire

I’ve had many jobs over the course of my esteemed career. I was a stealthy Sonic Car-Hop in 9th grade. (No, children, I sadly did not deliver tater tots while wearing roller skates). I was a very unremarkable waitress in college delivering the salad after the entrée and drinks with the meal. I’ve worked for several law firms and multiple corporations over the years. Having been downsized, reorganized, and let go, I have been on an impressive number of interviews. Each time I interviewed for a job, whether it was to meet the Manager of the women’s clothing store in the mall where I worked in high school or the General Counsel of a Fortune 500 company as an attorney, I’ve always considered the task of getting duded-up for the interview, preparing for an interview, an important ritual. I don’t dress for the person I’m interviewing with, though of course one strives to be professional. The outfit and the getting ready ritual serve to imbue confidence. When I’m getting ready, I imagine that scene from Cat Ballou where Lee Marvin’s character, Kid Sheleen, prepares for the gun fight in which he is tasked to kill gunman Tim Strawn, who turns out to be his brother. It’s important to look and feel your best before you shoot someone for money, especially a sibling.

preparing for an interview

Prior to the interview, I take the opportunity to shower, which is not always a given on some days. I wear deodorant, on both pits. I shave my legs. I blow-dry and, gasp, style my hair. I put on my newish “good” underwear, without holes. I choose the high heels that don’t start to piss off my bunion until late afternoon. I wear the skirt with a standard hem instead of the skirt whose hem I stapled in place because I hate sewing so much. I choose my shirt carefully because I have an unfortunate reaction to stress which causes my neck to break out in unhelpful self-perpetuating hives. That’s why I always look like Queen Elizabeth I with my collar crowding my chin when I interview. I clean my rings until they are sparkly. Wear the “lucky” perfume. Sometimes I get the job and sometimes I don’t, but at least I show my best foot forward.