Signs of a Good Party

  • The first couple to show up we have never met (we heard they were cool so we invited them sight unseen).
  • A few guys rip their pearl-snapped shirts open, but button them back before I can get a photo.
  • Someone breaks a champagne flute (it’s not a party until there is smashed glass on the floor).
  • Some folks leave by taxi (love me some responsible peeps).
  • The entire party happens in the kitchen and dining room and no one ever sits down. If one more person entered the kitchen, we would have needed a lubricant.
  • No one could hear the awesome play list I made for the party because the party is so loud.
  • We clean-up on host gifts of red wine.
  • We replenished the big beer cooler four times during the party.
  • The parents of children with autism shut the party down. We assume they were afraid to go home.
  • New neighbors accept same day invite and stay for hours.
  • I rock the shit out of my unicorn necklace.
  • The kids who were banished to the third floor complained the adults were too loud. Irony.
  • One party-goer has beautiful bright scarlet red hair.
  • Someone shows up in an all-leather outfit. (she looked awesome)
Ideas to make the next house party even better:
  • Spontaneous break dancing on the kitchen floor.
  • Someone brings ecstasy.
  • Gooey butter cake. Just sayin’.
  • A precious heirloom gets broken but only halts the party for five seconds.
  • We get chased by Guido the killer pimp after we drive our dad’s Porsche into a lake.
  • Gay friends attend en mass.
  • More tats and nipple rings.
  • Party crashers. It’s good karma.
  • No mention of punching your grandmother in the uterus.