Tweaked-out Meth Head

Have you seen the video of the tweaked-out meth head at Wal-mart? More to the point, have you seen yourself in the video of the tweaked-out meth head?

Have you have ever yelled at the cell phone ringing in your pocket when you knew who was calling ¬†and you didn’t have the right answer they wanted to hear? Of course you ignore the call! Otherwise you’re going to have to tell the equally-tweaked out Mo-fo calling you that not only aren’t you on your way home but you aren’t even finished shopping yet!

Are you heroin skinny? Look how much weight you could keep off if you were moving CONSTANTLY. That’s a diet I could wrap my (tweaked-out, meth) head around!

Who hasn’t danced around in a retail establishment when they seriously had to pee? It can’t only be tweaked-out meth heads dancing. Whacked out on smack or no. Recall when I thought I was going to shit myself in public? We’ve all been there. And if you say you haven’t been, you are lying.

Talking to yourself? Totally normal. No one else wants to listen to my yapping. I will at least pay lip service to myself and take a listen, and often answer my own questions. I’m kind to myself that way. Except that I’m usually mumbling expletives at myself under my breath. Whatever. It’s all communication.

Oblivious to people watching you, or video-taping you? How do you think home porn movies were born? Grow up, people! Pay attention to what’s going on around you!

Get frustrated because you can’t find what you’re looking for at the store? Story of my life. How can you shop in a 100,000 square foot Wal-mart and they possibly NOT have what you’re looking for? Insanity.

Asking strangers inane questions about heavy whipping cream? Comes up all the time. At least weekly.

Someone that skinny actually eating heavy whipping cream? Totally credible. I bet she eats heavy whipping cream every day.

And grocery cart-dancing? So hip. Poetry-in-motion. Who wants to look at people without a full compliment of teeth when you can watch Meth Chick pirouette in the canned foods aisle?

This is a long way of saying that, aside from the methamphetamines, this could be me any day in any store that potentially sells heavy whipping cream.