20 Awesome Valentine’s Day Gifts

Awesome Valentine’s Day Gifts For Your Sweetie

I stumbled upon an article outlining the worst valentines gifts which I feel compelled to share with you on the few days before Valentine’s Day. In descending order of awful, I present:
10. oil change
(For the record, I would be jazzed if someone took my car to the oil, lube & filter place. A coupon for it? Not so much.)
9. fake flowers
(Okay. I get this. Only appropriate if your valentine is deceased.)
8. service station gift
(If I really needed to replace my transmission, a service station gift would be awesome.)
7. cheap wine
(Yeah, that’s just mean.)
6. stuffed animals
(Only appreciated if you are 9 years old.)
5. cleaning supplies
(This is inspired. Nothing says “I love you” like windex wipes. Now, if someone cleaned my toilets with those cleaning supplies, a gift like that would be downright sexy.)
4. porn
(I disagree. Porn can make a perfectly good gift. I mean, just don’t give it to your supervisor.)
3. mints
(Mints aren’t just for halitosis!)
2. action movies
(I would narrow this and just say no movies with Nicholas Cage, except Raising Arizona.)
1. nothing
(I am totally in favor of this gift.)
awesome valentine's day gifts
Not to be outdone, I came up with my own list of worst awesome valentine’s day gifts:
10. Anti-perspirant
(My sweaty valentine.)
9. Corn pads for your feet
(Unless the foot pads are shaped like little medicinal callus hearts.)
8. Convenience store counter chocolate rose on a stick
(I’m going out on a limb and just say no to any gift on a stick.
No edible fruit bouquets, corn dogs or whatever.
Also, no to anything purchased four minutes ago at Quik Trip.)
7. Stickers. bumper or otherwise
(Your special valentine would rather pick out their own sticker that gets their ass kicked at a stoplight.)
6. Pabst blue ribbon tall boys
(unless you present them in their own brown bags.)
5. A Nicholas Sparks e-book
(No one deserves a gift like this.)
4. A hemorrhoid donut cushion
(Maybe if the pillow was shaped like a bear…)
3. Home drug test
(I trust you. Really.)
2. A dickie
(It’s Valentine’s Day. Spring for an entire shirt, not just the neck part.)
1. Rubbers and a 5 hour energy drink
(Although this gift does get props for practicality and directness.)
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