What The Frack! Family Vacation

What is wrong with my children?

A few days after school ended my husband and I threw the three amigos in the car and took them on a whirlwind tour of some of the best fracking states in the continental United States. Okay, one best fracking state: North Dakota. What were we met with? Bovine stares. Duck faces. Eye rolling.

Look at these fancy digs! A couch! Air-conditioning!

I’m shocked the twelve and ten year olds weren’t more excited to see Nebraska on the way to North Dakota. Who wouldn’t want to see one of the best fracking states? Right. Only crazy people. For frack’s sake! After having conquered forty-three of these United States over five trips, four of which were by car and starting in 2011, we have some scrappy states to take the kids to before we get to The Final Four (HI, AK, WA and OR), namely: Nebraska, North Dakota and Louisiana. We’ll conquer Louisiana in July when it’s heat stroke hot because that’s how we operate. Gluttons for punishment. I don’t want to blow powdered sugar off a beigne at Cafe Du Monde unless it’s guaranteed to stick to the sweat on my neck.

The World’s Biggest Buffalo (statue)

Let me be clear. These are TRIPS we go on, not vacations, despite the misleading title to this post. Vacations are things you do when you have money &/or employment.

You don’t get excited about posing under (metal) Buffalo balls on a swank vacation.

Metal Buffalo balls are not the highlight of a vacation to Machu Picchu. I mean, I can only assume, not having been there myself.

You don’t take photos like this on vacation:

Look kids! Get out and let me take a photo of you at the Water Plant!

Look, honey! Steak sauce right on the table!

Trips are what you do when you’re me. And I have to say, my kids were mostly right about North Dakota. No offense intended, North Dakotans, but going to North Dakota is like going to take the trash out. You aren’t just in the neighborhood with your kitchen trash and decide to put it in the bin. Taking the trash out is it’s own destination. You don’t end up there on your way to someplace else. If you want to see North Dakota, you just have to go there. There’s no multi-tasking opportunity. Instead, there are opportunities of a lifetime like putting your head through a hole like you dreamed about. 

And taxidermy guarding the chocolate milk duds at the gas station convenience store.

These states aren’t going to see themselves, kids!