Am I too old to wear a mini-skirt? Free People might think so. They sent me an email asking to review the items I purchased recently. I will take time to fill out reviews but not surveys. For whatever reason, I don’t know why I make a distinction between the two, but I will usually fill out a survey. I titled the review of my FP new sweater, “Cute, but no cigar”. Before I can submit the review, though, I’m confronted with the following question before I can continue:
How old am I? They have 7 (seven) age categories and I fall into the catchall “over 45” category? Because we all know that whatever an 80 year old person thinks about Free People clothing is going to be the same as a 46 year old, but you are going to glean a lot of information about what a 25 year old thinks versus 29? Not to mention that I’m shopping at a business whose clothing will also appeal to 14 year old’s? Am I really wearing clothes that also appeal to 14 year old’s? Is this possible? Am I delusional? I notice FP didn’t ask me what sex I was. Maybe I’m a tranny who likes bohemian clothing. Can’t their data mining team figure that shit out already? So I’m all in a huff about what age category I fall into when I get to the next question:
Fuck. Really, again? Why is this annoying me so much? Should I answer how I feel after eating 3,000 calories each day for three days? Petite? Sure, compared to RuPaul. Athletic? In my dreams. Curvy? Also in my dreams. Hourglass? I don’t know that I know anyone who is hourglass. Long and lean? How does that apply to women, other than Olympic volleyball players, and how does it differ from “slender”? Pear shaped? Isn’t that code for big bootie? I looked on a few male clothing websites and couldn’t find reciprocal questions. My panties are still in a twist when I google what the Internets thinks I am too old or too athletic to wear a mini-skirt. Google provides me with these suggestions, which make me giggle:
And of course the almighty Internet doesn’t answer my question. So, AM I too old to wear a mini-skirt? I stopped wearing mini-skirts decades ago because I looked stupid in them. I don’t wear hosiery (tights don’t count) because no one is holding a gun to my head. Why do some people need to be told when or how they should wear certain clothes?! If I want to wear my hair in ponytails, I’m going to wear them, bitches! Let’s stop obsessing about whether we are too old to wear something and focus more on whether it looks good or not. My hair looks terrible in ponytails because it’s thin and fine, not because I color my gray. We should wear clothes based on our body types and how they make us feel and avoid the clothes that are merely cute, but no cigar.
Funny, I just bought a jacket from FP. Now I want to return it and tell them it doesn’t seem fair to keep it. I won’t be alive long enough to enjoy it.