It’s True. I’ve Never Used An Emoticon
I have never, however, used a yellow-faced, full-throttle emoticon. What does that say about me? I have enjoyed receiving yellow-faced emoticons in the past. I have even admired the sender’s dedication to using them, but somehow I decided that they weren’t for me. Not one of my tools. Now that I have identified this fact, I am apprehensive about ever using them as perhaps a form of bad luck. How can I be superstitious about using yellow-faced emoticons but not about the number 13? What could the spirited emoticons do to me if I use them? Eat me like clowns in my dreams? Make me lose my job? Give me writer’s block?
I think I secretly worry that if I’m going to be a writer that I better be able to express myself without the crutch of the evil yellow-faced emoticon. If I think you are acting like an asshole, I’ll just type “You are an asshole”, or in the interest of brevity, simply “asshole”. That is way more awesome than sending you a devil emoticon. How could adding a devil emoticon be more satisfying than calling someone an asshole? I have so few diversions in life that I’m hanging onto my need to say “asshole” for as long as I can.