Greeting Card Ideas Inspired by Shopping at Target

Waiting for the Target pharmacy to open this morning I decided to kill some time looking at greeting cards. It’s actually a guilty pleasure because I love to look at greeting cards. I’m also kind of a snob about it. I love cards so much that my friend Kyle gave me new greeting cards to send to other people as a Christmas present. Of course now I have to send the cards to him throughout the year, but I wasn’t bitter. While browsing, some of the topic identifier cards that stick up behind the cards so you know what to look for struck me odd.“Mother and her husband”. That sounded really specific. Subliminal message to that card: “Mother and that paunchy fucker she married who is totally not my father”.

“Funny Retirement” (as in “you’re not dead…yet” or “Are you as gassy as your touring Winnebago?”). I never considered whether retirement might be funny but that sounds more fun than “New Home Religious” which sounds like you might find an Amish buggy parked in front of a log cabin.

Then there is the entire Sympathy section which was hugely depressing:

Loss of mother
Loss of father
Loss of him
Loss of her
Loss of husband
Loss of wife
Loss of daughter
Loss of son
Sudden Loss
Miscarriage
Loss of child
Loss of grandfather
Loss of grandmother
Anniversary of loss
Long term illness
Loss of pet
The sympathy cards weren’t nearly as funny as you think they might be. And they were really wordy. Note to self not to peruse the sympathy card section when I’m already feeling like I want to put my head in an oven.
greeting card ideas

Then I Thought of Some Great Greeting Card Ideas

They should print dual message cards like when they put a Long John Silvers in a Kentucky Fried Chicken building. Perhaps “Sudden Loss/Christening” or “Thank you/divorce final”. They could try “Congratulations/Loss of Him” or “Loss of Pet/New Graduate”. What about “Long term illness/To the happy couple”? Dual message cards have got to appeal to some folks whose existence is to double-task, right? Efficiency and empathy.
I have always maintained it would be cool if someone developed a line of greeting cards for things like addiction. “When you see a lemon…don’t think of it as a garnish in your drink.” Yes, I made that up myself. In fairness, www.someecards.com has some hilarious ecards. You’re welcome.