Really, I Feel Disgusting
What snot is not rubber-cemented into all available spaces in my head is draining into my stomach making a slow-brewed snot soup which I can also smell/taste in my nose. De-lish. My throat aches. My shoulders are sore. My eye sockets feel like chalk board trays from the dry heat. I love/hate the heat. I’m very thankful not to be outside, but inside it’s like I’m living in a turbo prop plane with stale recirculated air. I’ve grown barnacles inside my nose for no apparent reason. I want to remove my beef jerkey dried eyeballs and reinsert them after they’ve marinated in moisturizing goo. I’m also gassy. My unfortunate toots smell like pumpkin innards from a freshly carved pumpkin. At least it makes my eyes water a little. The cuticles on my very dry 80 year old looking hands are atrocious. My fingernails are down to the stubs because they’re so brittle. I can’t even pick my nose with any dignity (we know how that activity can be a danger zone for dignity) because I don’t have any fingernails long enough to approach the job properly. My head feels like a bowling ball. The weird thing is that I’m not convinced I’m sick. I think I’m just being punished. And I am a vision to behold.