Trust Me: Worry Is So Overrated

I think you can tell a lot about a person by what they worry about and the things they don’t. Someone feel free to analyze me or leave a comment about the things you refuse to worry about.

Things I Allow Myself Not To Worry About:

  • Weather Forcast: I never pay attention to the weather. It throws me for a loop every day. Wow! There’s ice on my windshield! I never know it’s going to snow until I see snow. I even hail from Oklahoma a/k/a Tornado Alley. This nonchalance about weather explains how I took my children to pre-school several occasions during winter snow storms and was shocked, shocked, I say, that pre-school was closed due to inclement weather. What inclement weather? What chance for flooding? Consequently, I never call anyone to see if they are okay if they have disturbing weather elsewhere. I can’t keep the weather in my own city in my brain, so I’m sure as shit not paying attention to weather anyplace else. Just accept it as one of my copious character flaws, but be humored by the knowledge that I will, not once, have an umbrella when or where I need it.
  • Corporate bankruptcies: I have over 200,000 American Airline miles which is why I can’t read any information about American’s bankruptcy. I’ve been building up these miles for years and I don’t want to fret I won’t get to use them.
  • Coupons: I’m hopeless with coupons. It’s a big conspiracy. I never have the right ones or remember to use them at the right time. The dates are always expired. Coupons aren’t helpful unless you’re a coupon genius. They are evil and reinforce the already low opinion I have of myself that I’m an incompetent shopper. I don’t need any more reminders of my shortcomings. Every time the cashier asks me if I have coupons I want to grab him by the collar and scream, “NO! I DON’T WANT TO SAVE ANY FRICKING MONEY! DO I LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO COULD HANDLE COUPONS? STOP ASKING ME!” Instead of a button that reads, “Ask Me About My Fabulous Time Share!” I need to start wearing a button to the grocery store that says, “Don’t even think of asking me if I have coupons!”. I also don’t really know what a Groupon is. Seriously. I just know it annoys me and I would never figure out how to use it to save money. And Extreme Couponing? It makes me short of breath just to think of it. This is not to say that I couldn’t benefit from the use of coupons or that I have money flying out of my purse, but unless you are handing me a coupon for something I’m already buying right then, please piss off. It’s simply too much pressure. I accept defeat.
  • Shoes on sale: These remind me of coupons. I almost never buy clothes that aren’t on sale, but I’m the complete opposite about shoes. I almost never buy shoes on sale. It’s like a little used car salesman is intimidating me inside my head that if I don’t buy now that I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. When I get an idea about what kind of shoes I “need” and I actually find them, I must purchase immediately. We all know I am never going to get another chance. This is it. If I blow it, it will all be over and I will never find true shoe love again.
Don’t Worry. Be Happy. Yeah, right.