The family that obsesses together, stays together, I always say. But I say it three times while I snap my recently-washed fingers and close my eyes. That’s why it was perfectly entertaining to spend the better part of two hours the other night at OCD Family night. We sat around the kitchen table with the twins sorting the children’s neglected, left-for-dead jewelry and hair bling. Where does all this shit come from? Kid jewelry is like Tribbles, multiplying when abandoned. How many broken-hearted BFF bling does one girl need? Apparently five. Or seventeen. One of those two.
And then there were rainbows. Rainbow Looms, that is
And the jewelry is mostly just crap. I’m going to be shocked if we get through this season of rainbow looms without having to rush the cat to the vet from swallowing a bracelet. I’m thinking of throwing the infernal bracelets all over the basement and use them as roach bait traps. Also, why do I have to freakin’ wear them as proof of my devotion once my daughter’s arm is covered up to her elbow with these squishy bands? Aren’t these just re-named orthodontic elastics, advertised to be cool for a few months until parents want to cry? Who wants to break in to their orthodontists office and make off with a couple thousand of these stretchy colored irritants? Who is with me?
I was the mastermind behind this OCD Family night Claire’s Boutique devotional evening. I tasked Blair to untwist the beaded and bangled bracelets. Devlin categorized the orphaned stud earrings. Rowan was conveniently at a sleep-over and shirked her bejeweled duties. Kevin concentrated on saving Jesus crucifixes barely hanging on to delicate, mangled gold chains. And after it was all said and done, we gently placed the newly-catalogued bling in their own spots in the jewelry box. I give it two days before the cat starts hacking up earring backs.