Am I the only one who suffers from (false) car alarm anxiety?
I’ve set off the emergency car alarm three times this week. It’s making me twitchy. My keychain may be trying to kill me. Well, specifically the red panic button on the Cadillac key which tops the Bane of my Existence List lately. Honestly, I think it enjoys mocking me. The sonic alarm disrupts my senses rendering me incapable of silencing the relentlessly unstoppable horn.
“OMG! MAKE THE LAMBS STOP SCREAMING!”
“Is this the right button? Or is it that one?”
“Do I open the door or definitely NOT open the door? Shit! Shit!”
“WILL PUTTING THE KEY IN THE IGNITION MAKE THE CAR EXPLODE?”
“Where is the SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON?”
It pains me to admit I would have made a shitty Bond villain and a very unsuccessful bomb expert. I’m not so good with gadgets, and much less good about loud noises. Are one of the keys trying to warn me? Are the keys working in cahoots with each other? What are they trying to say? Probably that I’m doing too many things at once or I wouldn’t keep accidentally pressing the panic button. I thought the fucker was supposed to alert others I’m experiencing an emergency, not sound off to induce panic into its owner? How does it manage to scare the crap out of me each and every time? Clearly, I know what the sound is yet I flinch like a baby with moro reflex every time.
She died from car alarm anxiety
Have you ever heard a car alarm sound and think that an actual robbery was taking place? Of course not. You have assumed, and no doubt rightfully so, that some jackass is having an issue with their car or the alarm. In any event, you instantly want to kill that person. I also don’t need additional people out there who want to kill me. I mean, there’s not a line of people who want to kill me, but it just seems like a line you wouldn’t want to increase traffic to. I’m going to make a toast tonight to decreasing the number of people who want to kill me. Cheers!