I made a totally stupid rookie parent move the other day

I picked up the girls from school and took them directly to the gourmet candy store Oh Lolli Lolli. I did this to make amends for stealing their candy earlier in the week. I know, I know. But they taunted me with chocolate covered mini oreos which are like kryptonite. At least I admitted it instead of blaming my husband as per my usual m.o. So anyway, back to the stupid rookie parent move. The kids immediately tore into their candied loot like the candy heathens they are and ate half the bag by the time I’d driven a few miles.

stupid rookie parent

Oh Lolli Lolli. Looks innocent enough, right?

Here’s the stupid part: I then took them to run errands at Target and Sam’s with me. THEY WENT INSANE. I’m not usually the parent that let’s my children run wild in public but I was simply over-matched. I didn’t even try to stop them. I didn’t want to be anywhere near them. Worse yet, I pretended they were someone else’s children. It was like they were on gummy bear meth, minus the rotten teeth part. Chocolate cocaine with speed sprinkles. Jelly bean quaaludes. Orange crank suckers. They were hanging off both sides of the shopping cart making it like pushing a car through mud. At one point and I had to suppress my primal urge to shake the cart violently enough to dislodge them, watch them drop to the tile like rag dolls and then, taking advantage of their disorientation, run like hell to the farthest corner of the store. I could have hidden for hours in the automotive section where they would least likely find me. There are many missed opportunities in life. The key is for us to learn from them.

stupid rookie parent
I could have moved those orange automotive thingys and hidden on the shelf. For those of you who have ever shopped with children, don’t tell me you’ve never thought of it.