Hey, so I’m just blundering my way around the web and I decide to add some content to my newly created Coy McCoy Facebook page because I’m a fucking technological wonderkid. If you haven’t liked the page yet,  there is still time! When I get to the section to input my gender, these are my choices:

What, in thee hell, does any of that mean? I was on Facebook, not Ashley Madison, for fuck’s sake.  I researched each term but I can’t, for the life of me, figure it out. Do I need to go on a vision quest to find my Spirit Animal who will tell me if I’m really “Neutral (lt)”? Lt = Neutral Light? What about just looking for a vagina? Or, if transgender, picking a side when you’re ready? How about a “None of your bees wax” drop-down choice? Or an “M-W-F only”? Are they going to develop a drop down for polyamorous? I, for one, don’t need to know that much about how, and with whom, anyone else is sleeping.

Perhaps Facebook thinks my new Page was set up for twins. I guess if I set up a Facebook page for Devlin and Blair (Blevlin) I would choose the gender “Plural (mixed)”, but in what universe does that make any sense? I feel like I’m holding out if I just check “female”. Oh, really? Female? You are “just” female? What about when you put on your Come On, Eileen overalls and listen to Melissa Etheridge? Because I think you’re two women when you do that, Plural (female). You get double female points for that.

Have we really gotten to the point where we will be asked to define ourselves like dogs? Half Border Collie/ Half Labrador? Today I feel, um, at least a little like The Queen of Disco. Let’s say, half Gloria Gaynor, and half, I don’t know. It’s hard to say. I feel a little hysterical. Lewis Black? Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! You are Plural (mixed) today!