Caffeine Pills Scare Me

Caffeine Pills Scare Me: You Take The Red Pill

A friend visited me in November last year and left a red caffeine pill at my house. I stored it on the kitchen cabinet shelf with the glasses so I’m reminded of it every time I’m thirsty. I’m a little sensitive to caffeine and not a good sleeper anyway so I limit the amount of caffeine I consume. The thought of drinking a 5 hour energy drink gives me heart palpitations. I took No-doze in college once to pull an all-nighter before an exam and couldn’t sleep for two days. Over the months this magic pill’s powers grew in my mind. I ruminated about when I should try the caffeine pill out. Was I tired enough? Was it too late in the afternoon such that I wouldn’t be able to sleep? Would it make me jittery? Clearly, I have considered this caffeine pill in mind-numbing DSM-5 fashion. I’m the same way about left-over post-surgical narcotics. I hoard them for a pain rainy day, but then no rainy day seems “sponge worthy” enough to pop the pill. What usually happens is I keep the pills so long that they expire. Well, today, folks, I just took the red pill! I don’t know what inspired me. I feel like Neo from The Matrix. Am I going to get sucked into the rabbit hole? Am I going to astound the world with my productivity? Should I probably just start drinking espresso if I’m going to put such thought into a decision about whether to caffeinate myself? Mind you, I drink sodas and tea. Somehow this seemed different though. Risky. Sexy with unknowable consequences. I think I’ll use my new super-powers to take a nap…


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