road warrior

East Coast Family Road Trip: Day: Day 2

When driving through one of the five toll booths en route from Madison, WI to MI, one friendly toll driver inquired, “Where are you all headed?” I responded enthusiastically, “Detroit!” He shook his head at me and replied with authority,”No. No, you’re not going to Detroit.” I wondered briefly if a meteor had taken out the city. He may as well have said, “People don’t GO to Detroit. They END UP there.” We were going to cross Lake Michigan via the ferry out of Milwaukee but it was full. Bugger! Improvising Plan “B”, and not the morning after kind, we begrudgingly drove around the lake instead. SO not as much fun! At one point google map kept registering that it was going to take us 28 days to get to Detroit. Geez! We aren’t going around the entire freakin’ lake! Rowan finally figured out I was asking the google map how long it would take to WALK there.We got caught in outer Chicago 10 M.P.H. traffic for an hour, which is totally awesome when you’re on a long-ass road trip with your offspring. It totally blew. As my 11 year old caught her first real case of road rage in bumper-to-bumper traffic, I thought I would die from having to pee. Where are the roadie Depend diapers when you have an emergency? I’m not ashamed to admit that I pulled off the road and copped a squat between my car doors in a slightly away from the traffic parking lot. So classy. Classier than wetting my pants, but only barely.

We are in Troy, MI at an Embassy Suites and the kids have died and gone to atrium heaven. The girls enjoyed the hotel pool while Devlin verbally accosted the moony couples entwined in each other’s arms in the hot tub interrogating them in depth about their chex mix flavor favorites. I noticed an angry red mouth impression on his skinny arm. Back Seat Wild West Vigilante Justice can be swift.

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