A friend of mine asked me to blog about an article that appeared in the St. Louis Dispatch today. She has this hangup about gun safety. Since she’s getting her tubes tied tomorrow, I feel obliged to humor her. Literally. She threatened to have her fallopians rainbow-loomed, which is totally awesome. I think every surgery should come with a tangible keepsake. Similar to getting a prize with your Happy Meal. Only difference is you have to be anesthetized and cut open. Oh, and spend tens of thousands of dollars.
Missouri Speaker of the House Tim Jones’ (R) legislative assistant, David “Dave” Evans, left a fully-loaded pistol in the Capital restroom. He placed it on the toilet paper dispenser in a public bathroom. Me? I usually just take my iphone, sans weapon, to the Ladies’ Room. The iphone occasionally ends up in the toilet.
gun safety dictates to not Leave a Loaded Gun in the Restroom, kids
We can safely infer that the Assistant, an old white guy, was going number 2. I don’t think I’m alone when I say I am very relieved (pun intended). Thank goodness Missouri congressional staffers wipe after going number 2. Otherwise, this incident could be an embarrassing stain on the reputation of the state. Contrasted with when The Show-Me State failed to pass a law nullifying Federal Gun Laws.
Back to restroom gun safety
Authorities are still investigating. It’s unclear whether the Staffer washed his hands after the unfortunate incident. Motives regarding Mr. Evans’ carelessness are unclear. Some have speculated he may have been pre-occupied. Congress was enacting pro-life legislation requiring women to give birth before being allowed to seek an abortion.
Luckily authorities didn’t issue a premature Amber Alert to locate the missing gun. Instead, the Assistant ordered the girl in the office report the misplaced weapon. Conveniently, she reported another staffer’s missing favorite pen at the same time. I, for one, try not to ever enter a public restroom without a loaded firearm. For example, what if “something comes up” that “I need to address”.
Missouri passed a law in 2011 allowing state legislators and staffers to go the Capitol restroom with a weapon. However, they have a conceal and carry permit. Not surprisingly, police sought to reunite the lethal weapon to its rightful owner ASAP. The weekend was near and the owner may have needed to shoot someone later that day.
gun safety is as gun safety does
Police elected not to inconvenience the man to produce paperwork proving firearm ownership. Rather, police took the word of the guy who left a loaded weapon in a public place. Who would lie about something like that? And what if a young minority, instead of an elderly white dude, claimed the weapon? No doubt Missouri police would require proof of ownership. Fuckers.