You know that moment you realize that someone you love is crazy? I mean, certifiable, should be in daily counseling or locked in a padded room whacko. You are not alone. This has happened to me recently. You start googling psychological disorders as soon as you leave their presence. Bi-polar Disorder?  Not quite on the money. Garden variety depression? I don’t think depressed people go out of their way to berate strangers over imagined slights. Old age? I know many Elder Americans who are perfectly lovely and not unpleasant and incomprehensibly angry. Besides, this is something that has gone on your/their whole life, not just cropped up during the Crazy Person’s advancing age. Not to mention that Old Age isn’t on the DSM.

The Crazy Person in your life behaves well enough on some occasions that you question whether you are the one who is imagining things. More incredibly, other people find your Crazy Person charming. But as always happens with the Crazy Person, they can’t help themselves and you realize that you didn’t fully appreciate how quickly your “flee” response can kick in now that you can drive your car away. This prompts more research until all the pieces begin to fit together. I have settled upon the explanation provided by Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NPD is characterized by extreme self-absorption, controlling behavior, belief that others’ opinions don’t matter, arrogance, complete lack of empathy and always being right. As fun as it can to be around a person like that, I have some advice for you: Just don’t.

It would be so much better if we could pick the affliction of the people with whom we are forced to deal. Wouldn’t that be a great series of interview questions for employment or running for President or any public office? It would cut through all the bullshit and get to the core of your leadership and people skills.

1.  “How do you feel about Panic Disorder?” Love it! I thrive in an environment where the workers are vocalizing irrational fears all the time.

2.  “Describe how you best dealt with a co-worker with histrionic personality disorder?” A better question would be how I didn’t! Just give the nut job a few sympathetic nods about their conjured drama, and you are good to go for the rest of the day. All you have to do is rinse and repeat.

3.  “If you could pick any personality disorder to have, which one would you pick and why?” I’m so glad you asked me this question. I have given this a lot of thought, and if I could have any psychotic ailment, it would totally be Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I mean, can you think of a disorder that keeps on giving as much as PTSD? Flashbacks, detachment, easily agitated. It’s pretty much where I live anyway!