I can’t take it anymore! Clean clothes do not belong in the dirty clothes hamper just because it’s easier than putting them on hangers! I’m having nightmares that I’m sinking in a quicksand pit of laundry. Same with the clothes lining the bottom of your closet and stuffed under your bed! Untold candy wrappers (where did you even get that candy? Candy pushers? Seems like a gateway drug. I expect to see beignets stuffed in your pillow case next.) Clean clothes you were instructed to put away stuffed into one drawer. Pajamas from the night before discarded on the floor for your servant to fold or put in the hamper. Mismatched shoes hidden under your dresser. Dirty underwear under your desk. Dirty socks thrown into the clean sock drawer. Seriously? Ponytail holders haphazardly thrown on the floor when you took them out of your hair and couldn’t be bothered to put where they go. Damp towels on the wood floors.
I didn’t go to law school so I could pick up used kleenex hidden under your clock radio! I have important blog ranting to do! And eventually I’m going to have to get a real job and I can’t sell “adept at not touching the icky side of inside-out underwear hidden in the laundry” as an interim skill set. I know I’ve been in a lot of weddings, but “Maid of Honor” doesn’t mean what you think it means! I hereby declare WAR! The servant has left the building! Is it annoying for me to my sentences with exclamation points?!
I know you are laughing at me because this is just the tip of the iceberg, but I am a very tidy person. Some may even say OCD. I’ve been railing on my daughter to keep her room clean, to no avail. Deprivation of allowance, television privileges withheld, friends not allowed over. Nothing has worked. She just doesn’t give a shit. Today I decided I was going to use an old weapon: Reverse Psychology. I am sure this is going to back-fire, but I’m desperate. I have started to throw shit haphazardly in my messiest daughter’s room and then just shutting the door. Will she even notice shit piling up? I’ve been littering her floor with ponytail holders when I find them. Throwing my dirty laundry next to her bed. I’ve enlisted the oldest to just start putting her shit in her sister’s room, too. “But she just throws my slippers back in my room?” “Then cram them under her bed!” I respond with an evil glint in my eye. I have a bad feeling about this…Stay tuned!