UPDATE ON MELTING SNOW COUPLE: (St. Louis, MO) Melting Snow Couple Gasping Last Breaths Concerned neighbors have been upset for the last few days hoping the melting snow couple in their neighbor’s yard will somehow pull through, despite warmer climates expected all this week. “At this point,” Neighbor Nelson advised, “the only thing that could save […]
MoreOutlook Poor for Melting Snow Man Snow Woman (St. Louis, MO) Friends and neighbors of murder victims, Miss America Snow Girl, and Pirate Cop Snow Boy, both age 1 week, were very upset that the melting snow man and snow woman remains of the four foot tall victims have not been properly disposed. “There isn’t […]
MoreSpelling Test Discrimination It is with renewed bitterness that I recall the first stain on my spelling reputation. I was a goobery 4th Grader in Mrs. Stanbridge’s class. I didn’t know whether I wanted to be a marine biologist, a ballerina, or an attorney, but I knew I had to work hard. I’ve always liked words, […]
MoreI said, YES to Everything! Not Reading Permission Slips Transcribed voicemail message I received this morning: “Mrs. McCoy this is Rowan’s band director and I’m looking at the permission slip you signed this morning for Rowan to go to Six Flags with the band, and, uh, I need some clarification. You have all three boxes […]
MoreAm I the only one who suffers from (false) car alarm anxiety? I’ve set off the emergency car alarm three times this week. It’s making me twitchy. My keychain may be trying to kill me. Well, specifically the red panic button on the Cadillac key which tops the Bane of my Existence List lately. Honestly, […]
MoreIf your spouse gets fired, heed the following advice to make your loser spouse feel less of a loser.
MoreFeel Good Story My first husband, Dave, had not only good taste in women, but also in acoustic guitars. He played them all the time. My children inherited his beautiful guitars after their father died in 2006. Rowan was four years old. I’ve been saving the guitars, of which there are three, hoping one or […]
MoreIt Has Come To This: I’m Blogging About My Cat What do you blog about when you don’t feel like blogging, the world seems like a place gone mad, and the curve balls all seem to be hitting you in the face? You blog about your CAT! The Bloggess blogs about her cats on a regular […]
MoreHow Do You Handle Rejection? I’m having trouble controlling my inner dialogue lately and have been quite unkind to myself. Silly Shame spiral. I had a couple of disappointments the last few days. Nothing big; another rejection from a publisher, but this time with feedback. “Story and storytelling nothing new” “Well-trodden narrative ground” “Clunky dialogue” […]
MoreBuzzword Hell 1-8 Buzzword Hell 9-16 Stupid Buzzwords 17. “Epic” Epic describes something extending beyond the usual or ordinary especially in size or scope. This word should describe things like a bridge being an epic achievement or a tornado of epic proportions, […]
MoreBuzzwords in Hell 1-8 9. “Guuurrl!”Please don’t use the word “girl” unless you are talking about a female below the age of 18. Thirty-five year old women are not “girls”, even if you are eighty years old. “Girl” is not a substitute for my name and should not be uttered in that way unless you are addressing a dog. “Girl, I’m […]
MoreI Hate These Buzzwords I don’t think it is just me that gets annoyed by obnoxious, threadbare words and phrases. A comprehensive list of the ones that make me the craziest: 1. “Man Up!” Okay, first, this phrase is totally sexist. Second, it is totally sexist. If you want to call someone a wuss, then have the […]
MoreParenting Style What is your parenting style? Which kind of parent are you? Are you permissive or punitive? Are you egalitarian or authoritarian? Are you uncomfortable discussing certain topics with your children? Because I don’t find many topics I’m uncomfortable talking to my kids with. Poor dears. My husband thinks I’m going to make their […]
MoreThat’s right. I was a Human Guinea Pig I spent a few weeks ago that only an unemployed person could have. All you employed people with your utility-paying ways and new shoes, consider this a taunt. I would never have taken a day off work to spend a day like I spent. The elementary school […]
MoreThis year my husband and I decided not to celebrate Valentine’s Day as per our usual bah humbug practice. At the last minute, I suggested we meet me for lunch, as that was the only meal we were going to have that day without the children. In an uncharacteristic stab at romance, I decided to […]
MoreI have finally realized what makes me so cranky about and hate Valentine’s Day: I Can Only Hate Jared. I mean, It Can Only Be JARED. I freaking HATE Jared. I don’t like Jared, the Subway guy, and I sure as heck don’t like Jared from “He went to Jared!” fame. Jared! Dude! Stop going places. […]
MoreAwesome Valentine’s Day Gifts For Your Sweetie I stumbled upon an article outlining the worst valentines gifts which I feel compelled to share with you on the few days before Valentine’s Day. In descending order of awful, I present: 10. oil change (For the record, I would be jazzed if someone took my car to the oil, […]
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