Love Hate July 4th
Love Hate July 4th Mostly, I love the 4th of July. Celebrating my favorite country on the planet is great. Patriotism without Fox News shoving it down anyone’s free-thinking throat. I like the geeky patriotic sousa marches. It’s a fine country in which I’ve traveled to 48 of the 50 states allowed. Independence Day is […]
MoreI Do Not Like Rude Neighbors
How to Spot a Rude Neighbor The houses in my neighborhood were erected over 100 years ago, which is to say before most families owned cars and before the craze of “talkies” invaded the silver screen. Parking in the street is therefore a precious commodity since most houses do not have driveways. Ever since the […]
MoreI Do Stupid Things All the Time
Plethora of Stupid Things I think I may have too many balls in the air, because I keep doing seriously moronic, stupid things. Case in point of my dunderheaded-ness is what happened today. I have been trying to box up my house to move. I have fifteen bags filled with outcast crap on my porch […]
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I Need A Smartass Phone
My Smartass Phone Should Do More I love my smartphone. It completes me. It preserves my honor by alerting me to appointments I may have otherwise forgotten. I am an actual slave to the icalendar. It houses 800+ contacts for my instant perusal. It is literally music to my ears. I get most of my […]
MoreCaffeine Pills Scare Me
Caffeine Pills Scare Me: You Take The Red Pill A friend visited me in November last year and left a red caffeine pill at my house. I stored it on the kitchen cabinet shelf with the glasses so I’m reminded of it every time I’m thirsty. I’m a little sensitive to caffeine and not a […]
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Shit I Do Not Need For Mother’s Day Presents
Mother’s Day Presents I hate to make fun of my most favorite store on the planet, Anthropologie, but I’m starting to get the feeling they don’t understand the plight of the American worker. Case in point: these items for sale on their website that would make wonderful Mother’s Day gifts for your special mother. If […]
MoreWho Will Sit Next To You in Hell?
Have you ever considered who might end up next to you in hell? The Devil has got to know what type of person would make your skin crawl the most and plan a dinner party so that you are seated next to each other. People who got picked first for a sports team in elementary school. […]
MoreHow To Confuse Porn With Clowns And Roller Derby
Actual conversation at the gym this morning: Friend: “I just met someone who plays in a Roller Derby League.” Me: “That’s awesome. Does she have a handle? Like, what is her roller derby name? They always have great names like Science Friction or Hydrogen Bombshell.” Friend: “I didn’t think to ask!” Stranger who overheard Friend and I talking: […]
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Every Hour is Happy Hour in San Francisco
It’s true. Every Hour is Happy Hour in San Francisco So sorry for the delay in posting! I thought I would have time to blog over the weekend while I was visiting my BFF’s in San Francisco. I didn’t realize they were going to hold me hostage for five days and force non-stop fun upon […]
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Melted Snowman Succumbs To Elements
Melted Snowman Found Dead BREAKING NEWS: (St. Louis, MO) Snow Boy, Snow Girl Couple Declared Dead On a day when Christians remembered the resurrection of Jesus from his cave thingy, the fate of one local St. Louis snow couple was sealed forever when temperatures reached upwards of sixty degrees fahrenheit for several hours. “The sun just […]
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